You (or your spouse) have decided it’s time to get a divorce, so your first step should be to go out and hire a fierce divorce lawyer, right? Choosing the right divorce attorney is critical but be careful … choosing the wrong attorney can add to your troubles.

I know you’re probably getting all kinds of advice from friends, family and the internet that you need to protect yourself by getting the toughest attorney out there so you can fight for what’s yours. But is that really what you need?

According to one recent article, setting yourself up for a litigious divorce may be a financial win for your attorney, but not for you. Here are the average costs:

Mediation	$6,600
Collaborative Divorce	$19,723
Full Litigation	$77,746

So, if you’d rather not spend the equivalent of a new luxury car or a 4-year college education on your divorce, here are my best tips for hiring and using legal professionals as part of your divorce team.

First, Do You Even Need an Attorney?

Even if you’re disagreeing, even if there’s quite a bit of conflict, an experienced mediator is a dispute resolution specialist and can typically help you avoid litigation and reach a settlement over several sessions. A professional divorce coach can help you understand the mediation process, help you prepare emotionally, and guide you through the negotiation process so you feel confident you’re making the best decisions you can. FYI, I’m trained as a mediator as well as a divorce coach, so I have an extra level of expertise to guide you through this process.

Mediation is generally becoming the preferred method of divorce among couples, and many states now require it before a judge will even consider hearing any portion of a case. Mediation can either be done voluntarily where you and your spouse hire your own mediator, or it can be ordered by the court. If you choose the mediation route, then the two of you will meet with a private, neutral, professional facilitator who specializes in divorce and can assist you in negotiating an agreement. This is smart, lower cost, and lower conflict option for many families. Especially if you share children, mediation can assist you in resolving disputes amicably so you are able to preserve your co-parenting relationship.

If you’d like to consider mediation, I’ve written more about it here.

When to Hire a Divorce Attorney

Is hiring an attorney the first step you should take if mediation isn’t right for you? Not necessarily.

If your spouse is threatening to cut off financial support, harassing or hurting you, accusing you of abuse or addiction, or planning to run off with the children, then an attorney should be your first call. You need legal advice and protection ASAP.

Otherwise, I recommend you work with a certified divorce coach first to get informed, prepared, and organized for the process. I always say that FEAR is the most expensive thing in divorce. Working with a coach upfront can help you diffuse some of that anxiety so you can approach an attorney with a clear mind and clear intentions.

If you are the one considering divorce, but haven’t spoken to your spouse yet, it may also be important for your safety to begin planning an exit strategy before starting legal action or making any big announcements. One important step is doing some legwork to understand your finances and my Ditch Your Divorce Fears Financial Planner can help you do just that.

Your divorce coach can help you determine when the time is right to begin talking with attorneys and assist you in creating a list of interview questions so you can find someone who is a good fit for you.

Choosing a Divorce Attorney: The Right Way

One of the best sources for finding a good attorney is family, friends, or co-workers. But don’t stop there. Just because your cousin was happy with so-and-so lawyer, doesn’t necessarily mean that person is right for you.

You can research potential attorney candidates on Avvo and Superlawyers, but other referral sources to consider are: financial planners, mortgage lenders, realtors, therapists, and domestic violence agencies.

I usually recommend you consult with at least three attorneys so you can get a range of opinions and experience a variety of personalities. Most things in family law are not black and white – they’re subject to interpretation and dependent upon making a strong argument. That’s why getting more than one opinion is important. You’d get more than one estimate for a big kitchen renovation, wouldn’t you?

Be sure to show up to the appointment as prepared as possible with the financial information and list of questions you prepared with your divorce coach. Remember, you are interviewing the attorney, not vice versa and your goal is to come away from the appointment with specific information about your case as well as that attorney’s style.

• Were they on time and undistracted during your consult? ♥
• Did you feel listened to and respected? ♥
• Did the attorney ask you what kind of divorce you wanted? ♥
• Does that attorney specialize in family law in your local area? ♥
• Do they have experience with any special circumstances involved your case (military, special needs children…)? ♥
• Are they a realist – telling you the truth even if it’s not what you wanted to hear? ♥
• Did they speak as if they prefer to negotiate without going to court? ♥
• Were they able to clearly answer your questions and explain the process in a way you could understand it? ♥

Choosing a Divorce Attorney: The Wrong Way

Trust me, the wrong attorney is not only a waste of your money and time, but it could compromise your case. That fear I mentioned earlier…well, if you aren’t don’t have full trust in your attorney, then a scary process feels even scarier. Can your attorney get you everything you want in your divorce? Probably not. But they should be helping you understand the law, the facts, and all your options so you feel like you are making informed decisions.

The most common mistakes I see are:

• Not preparing thoroughly for the initial consultation
• Hiring the first attorney you speak with
• Choosing a family friend who doesn’t specialize in family law in your local court
• Assuming a “shark” attorney who promises to fight hard for you is the best option
• Thinking that because attorney “X” got your aunt Louise a ton of spousal support, retirement assets, or the house means that he/she can do that for you
• Not trusting your instincts when you get a bad vibe
• Failing to clarify expectations around communication and case strategy before paying a retainer
• Deferring to the attorney and the “way they do things”

Need More Help Choosing a Divorce Attorney?

Great. Let’s hop on a call and talk about how working with a divorce coach can help get you set up for success. An attorney may be an important part of your team, but divorce is so much more than just what the law says. A professional divorce coach makes a great complement to help you work on identifying priorities, managing emotions, setting boundaries, and preparing for those big transitions.

 

Schedule Your Complimentary Consultation Now

 

Wishing you strength and wisdom,