If you have children, designing an effective parenting plan is an important part of your divorce process. And when it comes to deciding what to include in that plan, there are 2 main goals: 1) consider the best interests of the child and 2) prevent future conflicts. Some of the worst co-parenting conflicts I’ve witnessed are when a parenting plan hasn’t been written with these 2 goals in mind.

The #1 rule for an effective parenting plan is to be SPECIFIC. Make sure that you include details about who, when, where, and how things are to happen – and what will happen if the parenting plan isn’t followed. If you don’t outline expectations up front, you set the stage for arguments over interpretation later. The last thing you want is to end up back in your lawyer’s office after your divorce, so be proactive and address any potential areas of conflict in your parenting plan.

Let’s take a look at a few of the key elements you can include to craft an effective parenting plan for your family. This is certainly not an exhaustive list, but I hope it will get you thinking about all the specifics you might want to consider.

Parenting Time Schedules

Quick reminder that a parenting time schedule is for the children, not for the parents. Unfortunately, in many instances, timeshare is tied to child support, so parents get focused on money rather than what works for their kids. I urge you to consider working on the best schedule for your kids without regard to finances. Address child support later in the process so it doesn’t impact decision making here. A few of the factors you may want to consider:

• Child’s age
• Parent’s availability
• Child’s ability to transition
• Child’s outside commitments
• Child’s attachment to each parent
• Parent’s housing location and suitability

School Year

Most families choose a regular, predictable schedule that follows the child’s school calendar. If you have multiple children in different schools, be clear about which school calendar you’ll be following. This guide from the Supreme Court of Ohio offers options for 14 different schedules and provides insight on what might be appropriate for each age and stage.

School Breaks

This is an area where specifics are important – especially when it comes to summer break. It’s not enough to say that each parent will be allowed a two-week period with the kids. Who gets priority in choosing the dates for their time? By what date do they need to notify the other parent? Everyone wants to make summer plans so be clear.

Holidays/Special Days

Please include pick-up and drop-off times when discussing holidays. If you simply say that parent 1 has Christmas Eve in odd years and parent 2 in even years, what does that mean? 5pm-9pm? Overnight?

Transportation

Will the receiving parent be picking up or the parent ending their time be dropping off? Will one parent be doing all the transportation? Where will exchanges occur? Are others allowed to transport the children if parents aren’t available? Specify that approved car seats be provided for each child.

Pets

Will family pets be shared and travel with the children?

Schedule Changes

Schedules change, we want to see friends and live life, and sometimes we run late. An effective parenting plan will include details about how you want to handle these.

Change Requests

How far in advance must a parent request a schedule change? How long does the other parent have to respond? Must they offer equal time in exchange?

Late/Early Pick-up or Drop-off

If a parent is running late or wants to drop the children off early, how should they notify the other parent? Can a parent refuse early drop-off if not notified in time? Does a parent forfeit their time if they are more than so many minutes/hours late to pick up without proper notification? The goal here is the be flexible and also boundaried.

Expense Sharing

Parents often agree to share expenses for uninsured medical expenses, extracurricular activities, school fees, cell phones, car insurance, etc… How will receipts be shared and within what time frame? How long does the other party have to pay reimbursement? How will payment be handled? Including specifics in your parenting plan can prevent future problems.

House Rules

When discussing your parenting plan, do you want to make some general agreements on bed times, screen time, use of social media, curfews, cell phone usage, driving privileges, discipline?  Children thrive when there is consistency between households and it may head off some future conflict if the two of you can agree on some basics,

Communication

Do you want to establish guidelines around when and how the children can stay in touch with one parent when they are spending time with the other? Do you prefer an established phone or Facetime call schedule or a more general access agreement?

What about how parents will communicate with each other and on what matters? Will you use a co-parenting app? Will you communicate via phone, text, email? What about emergencies?

Travel

Chances are, you’ll want to travel with your children on vacation, to visit family, and to have great adventures. Think about how the two of you feel about notification vs permission when it comes to in-state, out-of-state, and out of the country trips. How much notice would you like? Would you like a general itinerary? Do you require permission from the other parent?

Child Care Providers

Can each of you choose child-care providers and babysitters that are qualified or do you need each other’s approval before the children are left with someone? Is there anyone you want excluded from caring for the kids?

Contact with Family/Significant Others

Do you have concerns about the children meeting the new boyfriend/girlfriend? How do the two of you want to agree to address this? Do you want to meet the person first? Should they be exclusively dating that individual for a certain period of time before meeting the children? What about sleepovers when the children are present?

Relocation

If either of you make a decision to move in the future, your parenting plan can set some parameters that you have agreed to. For instance, is there a distance that is acceptable and no approval or change to the parenting plan is needed? How about if a parent wants to relocate to another state or outside that distance? How will the two of you revise your parenting plan to accommodate that change?

Resolution of Future Disputes

Sometimes things don’t go as planned. One parent doesn’t follow the agreement or an issue comes up that you never considered in your original parenting plan. Rather than run to the court, can you agree to seek assistance from a parenting coach, parenting mediator, or other resource?

Effective Parenting Plans Set the Stage

I certainly couldn’t cover everything here, but hope I’ve given you a good starting point and helped you see the value in being specific rather than vague. Taking the time to think through possible future conflicts and talk them through now can set the stage for a smoother co-parenting relationship going forward. No need to argue over who gets first choice for summer vacation – you’ve already decided. And speaking of arguing, take a look at this post on the cost of high-conflict communication if you’re losing your cool with your ex.

Ideally, as time goes on, the two of will be flexible and work together as a team. You may choose to vary from what the parenting plan says, and that’s great, as long as you’re both working in tandem. If disputes ever arise, pull out that plan and you can refer back.

If you want assistance thinking through your parenting plan, I’m here to help.

 

Wishing you strength and wisdom,