That’s it! You are SO done and you’re ready to scream DIVORCE in your partner’s face right now. Wait just a minute. Before you go blowing your top, understand this. You must have a strategy – and more specifically, a divorce exit strategy before you do that. Your future may depend on it.

I recently surveyed people that were thinking about or had been through divorce and asked them how much control they believed they had over the COST or OUTCOME of their divorce. Only about 20% of respondents felt they had some or a significant amount of influence.

That number made sad…

Yes, state law primarily governs how things get divided in divorce. And yes, there are certain unavoidable costs associated with divorce. But you also have a tremendous amount of influence over your divorce. And that begins with how well you prepare and how and when you tell your partner.

A proper divorce exit strategy is the foundation for giving yourself the best chance for a good divorce and protecting yourself in the case of a bad divorce.

Why Is a Divorce Exit Strategy So Important?

You’re pissed. This the last straw. You’re having that one last argument and in the heat of the moment you angrily tell your spouse you want a divorce. It might even come out sounding threatening. Maybe you tell him/her to get out of the house.

Divorce may be the right answer for you. But starting things off this way creates some issues that can make your divorce more difficult.

My goal is ALWAYS to help my clients get a better outcome financially, relationally and spiritually. That’s why I strongly recommend a divorce exit strategy. And it’s never too early to begin putting your strategy together. Some clients start years in advance to put themselves in the best possible position.

Failing to prepare thoughtfully when considering divorce can start things off in a way that quickly snowballs out of control.

On the other hand, taking your time, being strategic and establishing goals and priorities can pave the way for a good divorce if things go well. And it can protect you in the event that things go poorly.

Most of my client say their top priorities are:

• minimize impact on the children
• feel confident that the settlement they’re agreeing to is fair
• keep divorce costs down
• get through the process without losing their minds

If that sounds like you, then here’s how an exit strategy can help.

5 Advantages of a Divorce Exit Strategy

1. More Prepared

Divorce, dissolution, collaboration, mediation, separation, temporary orders, response, discovery, financial affidavit, and so on. The legal processes involved are confusing and can vary from case to case. The more you understand about your options, the more control you have over how your divorce will go. From choosing the right attorney, to having a general understanding of divorce laws in your area, being prepared for the road ahead helps you make the right choices for yourself.

The antidote to fear is knowledge, so being prepared also helps you feel less afraid and anxious about what to expect.

2. Safety

Listen, I wish I could say that folks were always honest and fair with each other in divorce, but that just isn’t always the case. Once you tell your partner you’re planning to divorce, things can get messy fast – especially if they have a tendency to react with anger (or passive-aggressive anger). Financial records disappear, assets gets transferred, property goes missing or gets destroyed.

Financial support could get cut off. Are you prepared to cover expenses for the weeks/months it might take to get the court to impose a temporary spousal support or child support order? You get the drift. I prep clients to have strategies for safe finances, safe communication, and safe people in place.

3. Better Communication/Negotiation

If you just throw it out there in the heat of the moment, your spouse may not have had time to get on the same page. Although they may not agree with your choice, they probably realized there were some major issues going on in the marriage. Rarely is anyone completely blindsided. But speaking it in anger could make your partner react defensively. If they go into fight, flight or freeze mode (read more here about that effect) then future conversations about how to divide things up or co-parent will not go as smoothly.

I work with clients to handle that conversation in a kind and non-confrontational way. When you give your partner time to process and catch up to where you are, you improve the chances that the two of you can continue to be civil and work together.

4. Control Costs

When clients are prepared for the process, have taken measures to protect themselves and have set the stage for good communication, they naturally reduce costs. By working with a divorce coach, you can accomplish a lot of this work without constant interaction with your attorney. You can use their time more efficiently and they can do a better job for you because you will know what you want and will be ready to make decisions. Read more here for tips on a budget friendly divorce.

Even the best divorce is emotional. As a divorce coach, I help clients manage those feelings so they can stay engaged in the divorce process in a healthy way. A divorce coach typically costs far less than an attorney on an hourly basis and staying focused helps keep legal costs down.

5. Better Outcomes

Approaching your divorce from a thoughtful, intentional perspective gives you the best chance to reduce the relational, financial and emotional fallout. A divorce exit strategy offers you perspective so you can act from a place of calm instead of panic. In most cases this leads to a divorce that is less messy, less costly and less damaging to everyone involved.

Want To Talk More About A Divorce Exit Strategy?

I offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation. We can chat about where you are right now and whether it might be time to start on your divorce exit strategy. I’d be thrilled to talk with you. Just click below to get direct access to my calendar and schedule a call.

Schedule Your Complimentary Consultation Now

Wishing you strength and wisdom,