Divorce is hard. No doubt about it. Deciding who gets the china and who takes the sofa, to who the kids spend Christmas Eve with and how the retirement accounts are divided is grueling. The brain gets overloaded.

The decisions are overwhelming and each one can have long lasting impact.

And you know what makes all that decision making even harder?

Lizard Brain.

The most primitive part of our brain, the amygdala, often called our reptilian or lizard brain, is responsible for our survival. It literally believes that life or death is at stake. And because it responds automatically, we don’t even need to think before we act to protect ourselves when we feel threatened or injured. If you think about the idea of a wild animal defending its territory, you’ll have a good idea of how the reptilian brain works when triggered.

Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, calls this an Amygdala Hijack and says:

“Once that fight or flight reaction happens, it can take 3-4 hours for the adrenaline and other hormones released into our system to settle back down.”

 

When you’re in the middle of divorce and life as you’ve known it is falling apart, your security is being threatened. That lizard brain kicks in and it is easy to be tempted to let your guard down, do crazy things, or make poor choices. People who used to love each other now take to their corners and fight over kids and money. Bad behavior ensues, social media posts get shared, stories get told and things get ramped up even further.

Looking back, you may ask yourself “what was I thinking?”

One attorney tells a story of a couple who spent $50,000 in legal fees arguing over who got the set of crystal they bought on a trip to Europe. This is lizard brain at it’s finest.

Here’s more about what happens and how to handle it when your brain hijacks itself:

 

 

What’s the Answer to Lizard Brain?

There is a way to make your divorce different. By working with a CDC Certified Divorce Coach® you can approach your divorce from a more helpful perspective.

With the right support and tools, that lizard brain will go back where it belongs and your neocortex, or thinking brain, can be in charge.

In his book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, teaches us a few important lessons

1. The Ventilation Fallacy – Venting when you’re angry prolongs your mood rather than ending it.
2. Don’t Ruminate – When you’re sad, distraction is a healthier alternative.
3. The Artful Critique – Criticize the right way to get results.
4. Emotional Contagion – You have the power to set the emotional tone.

 

Leading with your THINKING BRAIN lets you:

• See the long term and not just the short term
• Make decisions based on facts instead of emotions
• Behave in ways that are consistent with your character and values
• Set the stage for an effective future co-parenting relationship
• Communicate in a way that gets you heard
• Save money by being focused on priorities, not petty details – learn more about saving money on your divorce here.

 

If lizard brain is trying to derail you, then I can help. You absolutely can find your zen and make the best decisions for yourself even in the midst of divorce.

Get tools to calm your lizard brain and understand how to negotiate with a spouse that is stuck in flight, fight or freeze mode. Let’s chat about where you’re struggling and how divorce coaching can help.

Schedule a Complimentary Consultation and let’s get started. Just click here.

Schedule Your Complimentary Consultation Now

 

Wishing you strength and wisdom,