Every woman needs a girl gang. There’s a special synergy that happens when women get together to support each other. And when those women are sharing a pivotal moment or life crisis, the bond that develops is like superglue. I believe that groups of women can change each other’s lives and those changed lives can change the world.

There have been several times in my life when I’ve felt overwhelmed, unsure, or just needed a friend who understood exactly what I was going through. And by finding groups of women to support me I was able to take the next step, feel encouraged and keep growing. Many of those women are still my friends even decades later. We’ve shared private moments, personal stories, heartbreaks, successes, and pivotal decisions.

One group of women met me when I was going through the toughest 2 years of my life. I wasn’t perky, pretty or kind. One friend tells the story of a night I walked into our counselor-led group and refused to participate in the activity. They were all writing affirming statements about the others in the group and I said, “I’m not doing it. I have nothing nice to say about anyone today”. She always says that’s the day she knew I was a real person and that we were going to be friends for life.

If you’ve ever had this experience, you understand. If you haven’t, I encourage you to seek it out. In my life and work, I’ve discovered 4 reasons a girl gang might be just the back-up you need to get unstuck and change your life for the better.

You’re Safe

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, have been accustomed to being ignored, put down or lied to, then feeling safe may not be familiar to you. And yet, knowing that you can be real and honest and still loved is central to healing. And a group is different than being with a therapist or counselor because these are women you can make personal connections with and still feel safe. Being in a girl gang is life-changing if you’ve never had truly safe friendships.

A therapeutic women’s group will provide the safety and structure you need to begin to let your guard down. Feeling safe is critical for you to process all the emotions that need to be dealt with in a healthy way. A safe group will have ground rules or guidelines regarding confidentiality, giving of opinions and advice, not speaking over one another, respecting differences of opinions, and allowing each member to make choices that are right for them. While no group is perfect, a good facilitator will ensure the safety of all members.

You’re Not Alone

There’s nothing like the feeling you get when you discover that someone else understands. When you hear the words “me too”. So much of the suffering we experience is because we feel as if we’re alone – like no one else has been through what we have. Especially when it comes to relationship issues. It seems that everyone shows up with a smile and posts perfect pictures on Instagram, so we assume that they have perfect lives.

But you might be surprised to learn how many people are struggling with the exact same things you are. That friend whose Facebook photos you’re jealous of? Her husband had 5 affairs in the past 3 years. The woman who leads all the ministry groups at church? Her husband barely gives her enough money to feed her children. Women’s groups are a place where you can share and learn that you’re not the only one. That there is no shame in feeling the way you do because many others feel the same way.

You’re Believed

So often in dysfunctional or emotionally abusive relationships, your partner is a superstar in the community or the neighborhood. Even if you have tried to share what you’ve been going through, you may have been dismissed or denied by others. Or worse, you went to someone for help and instead were blamed or told to “own your part” in the problem. That’s trauma on top of trauma.

In a group with others facing the same struggles, you are believed. You are affirmed. You’re not crazy. It did happen. And then they help you get straight and decide what the next right step is for you. Finally, with the right girl gang you have the support you need to take some action and make a change in your life – you’re not powerless.

You’re Accountable

Positive feedback and support are awesome and we can all use more of those in our lives. But we also need truth, and hard truth when it is warranted because that’s how growth happens. When you tell your girl gang that you’re going to do something, they will ask you about it the following week. And if it didn’t happen, they will help you explore what got in your way.

Accountability = Truth + Love

I don’t know about you, but I have yet to have a perfect day where I lived 100% in my values and did everything just the way I said or thought I would. That’s why I need truth-tellers in my life. People who will gently (or not so gently) remind me of who I said I wanted to be. I purposefully invite those women into my life because I need them. Without accountability, it’s easy for me to go off-road or back to the bad habits I swore I wanted to leave behind. Personal growth and development aren’t always easy or comfortable, but they’re always worth it.

Where Can You Find a Girl Gang?

Honestly, Google is your friend when trying to find the right group. Be sure the coach or facilitator is trained and the group goals and objectives meet your needs, schedule, and budget. You may find a local counselor or church that offers groups or there are many online ones available. But I will make a few suggestions for the specific issues I see my clients struggle with.

• Betrayal Trauma Recovery offers personal coaching and daily support groups at www.btr.org
• Kim Saeed Narcissist Abuse Recovery coaching and support group at www.kimsaeed.com
• Al-Anon programs have helped many clients manage their lives with an addict more effectively www.al-anon.org
• DivorceCare and DC4K (kids’ program) are offered at many local churches www.divorcecare.org

Online Group Coaching with Me

Check the Work with Me page for group coaching opportunities where I work with women in small groups on topics like assertive communication, boundaries, dealing with high-conflict people, and more…

Let’s Talk About What You Need

It’s critical to find the right people when you need support. That’s why I always offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation. I know you don’t want to trust your life to just anyone and I see so many untrained people calling themselves coaches, so I encourage you to check out my credentials here.

Why not schedule a call?  We can get to know each other, chat about what’s going on in your life and talk about what kind of girl gang you need.

Schedule Your Complimentary Consultation Now

Wishing you strength and wisdom,